A Day at the Carnival
by YamiKatie
Summary: Once upon a time there was a Ryou and a Bakura. There was also a Malik. One day they went to the carnival together. There was lots of group bonding, and everyone had lots of fun. No killing sprees, and no attempts to take over the world. …Ha, fooled you.
1. The Delights of Spam

A/N: Grrrr. I can't believe ff.net has got rid of the double slash marks and asterisks that my fics are filled with. Thanks to them, half of my fics don't even make sense anymore, as the speech is all muddled up with the rest of the text. So of course, I have to go through ALL my fics and replace the slash marks with brackets. Stupid website…it'll probably fix that error five minutes after I've re-uploaded all my fics, irony being what it is.

Also, even though this is called "A Day at The Carnival," I should warn all you readers that they don't actually get to the carnival in this chapter. (That happens in chapter two.)

****

A Day at the Carnival.

Chapter One: The Delights of Spam.

"Yami, what **are** you doing?"

"Checking my e-mail." Bakura clicked frantically, trying to find the right button. The laptop screen went blank. "Stupid thing! It must have broken!"

"You just told it to shut down, actually."

The spirit cursed in Arabic and switched it back on. "…Finally!"

('FATAL ERROR 109.23' appeared on the screen.)

Ryou's eyes narrowed. "Since when did you have e-mail? Or, come to think of it, a laptop?"

"This hunk of metal? It's Kaiba's…uh…spare one."

"Oh, okay." Ryou turned to go, then realised what his yami had said and spun around. "What?!"

Bakura hastily connected to the Internet before Ryou could do anything. 'Receiving message 1 of 45' flashed up on the screen. The Ring-spirit smiled. "I'm so popular." He scrolled carefully down, looking at his messages. "Ryou, do I want a lifetime's supply of Viagra? It's only $99.99 plus P & P."

Ryou shook his head firmly. "No, you don't. Besides, you've already used up all my money when you went on Ebay and bought tickets to see that Britney concert."

A dreamy look appeared on his yami's face. "That was the best concert _ever."_

"Yami, you didn't even go. You were having a water fight with Yugi's yami, remember?"

"That's not the point. The thing is, Britney and I would make the perfect couple."

"Yeah, if you don't count the three thousand year age gap."

Bakura scowled. "Oh shut up. You're just jealous because I'm more mature than you." He turned back to "his" computer. There were 42 identical e-mails titled, "The most important message of your life." He was about to open one, when his hikari stopped him.

"Don't bother. It's bound to be spam."

Bakura gave him a _look._ "Ryou, why do you always believe everything you read in computer books?"

"Um, because they're right?" the hikari offered.

Bakura snorted. "Sure. You'll be telling me the world is round next."

"It is."

"Yeah right. Why are you so gullible?"

"I'm not gullible!" Ryou protested.

"Uh huh. You keep believing that if it makes you happy." Bakura right-clicked on a message and chose 'open.'

****

'PENIS ENLARGEMENT!!!' screamed the heading. 'Only $49.99 per centimetre!'

The spirit of the Ring still wasn't very good at reading Japanese. Slowly and painstakingly he spelled out each letter, getting louder each time. His light resorted to sticking his fingers in his ears.

"Ryou, what does this mean?"

"Uh…I'll tell you when you're older."

"…Oh. Okay." Bakura opened the last message. "Cool. It's from Malik."

According to the computer, the e-mail had only been sent five minutes ago. It simply said 'PHONE ME!' in bright red letters. The spirit shrugged at this. "I guess I'd better phone him. How do you turn this thing off?"

"I'll do it," Ryou offered. He took the laptop, but his yami snatched it back.

"No! My computer! Mine!" He examined it carefully for an 'off' switch, but couldn't find one. "Oh well." He threw it out of the window. "…That worked."

"Yami! That was a brand new window! What am I going to tell the insurance company?"

Bakura was unconcerned. "Tell them I had a seizure or something." He picked up the phone and dialled Malik's number. It rang fourteen times with no answer. Bakura shrugged again and tried his mobile. It was picked up on the first ring.

"Bakura? Please tell me that's you."

"Uh yeah, last time I checked." In the background he could hear girlish giggling.

"Can you-" There were several ripping sounds, then Bakura indistinctly heard the Egyptian yelling, "Give that back! Yami, I'm warning you, give the phone back NOW or you'll be going to bed early!" Then: "Nooooo…!"

The next voice Bakura heard sent a shiver of fear down his spine. A familiar insane giggle made the hairs on the back of his head stand up. "Hello, Bakura."

There was a sinister laugh. The Thief's face went white with fear. "A-Anzu? What are you doing at Malik's house? And where is he?"

"Oh, Malik's a little…_preoccupied_ at the moment." Another giggle. Then a smash, and the handset was snatched away.

"H-Hello?" Malik was panting heavily.

"What in the name of Ra is happening out there?"

"My yami invited Anzu round so he could help us get ready for our _date._ You know, the one he arranged yesterday. Bakura, you have no idea the torture they are putting me through. I've managed to wipe off most of the lipstick, but now they want to play Kiss Chase. And Anzu is 'it.' I don't care if you carry me out on a stretcher, you have to get me out of this mad house."

"Isn't Isis helping?"

"No, she went to the strip-club about twelve hours ago. I haven't seen her since."

"Ah. Well, I'll pop round tomorrow and send whatever's left of you to the hospital in a matchbox. Bye now."

"No! Don't let them take me!" More screams. Then:

"The person you are calling is unavailable. Please try again later."

Bakura thought for a moment. "How much later? I'm kinda busy."

"Next year would be fine." Yami Malik hung up, sniggering.

…………….

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Nope." Bakura rang the doorbell loudly. When no one answered, he grinned. "Okay Ryou, stand back. I've always wanted to try this." He approached the door at a run and kicked it down. Or tried to.

"Shit!" the spirit howled, clutching his foot. "Dammit, the people in movies make it look so easy!"

"You know, you could just try turning the handle."

His yami gave a derisive snort. "Yeah. Sure. As if _that_ would work."

Ryou turned the handle and the door swung open with an annoying squeak. He gave a smirk. "You were saying?"

Bakura growled and pushed him to one side. "MAAAAAAAAALIK?"

Yami Malik appeared with a grin. "I'm his… _representative._" He was clutching a headless Barbie in one hand and the Millennium Rod in the other.

Bakura's eyes narrowed. "Where's Malik?"

Yami Malik giggled. "Malik is out of his mind at the moment. Please leave a message." He giggled again. "I love saying that. It gets funnier every time."

There was a desperate cry from behind him. "No! Not the eyeshadow! Anything but the eyeshadow!"

"But you know you like it!" Anzu called. "Just let me try it in pink!"

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "You know, Malik's going to be needing therapy for the next ten years to be getting over this."

Yami Malik looked crestfallen. "He'll recover that quick? Damn."

"Yeah, it's a tremendous pity," Bakura said with feeling. "Anyhoo, we need to…uh…_borrow _him for a while, so if you don't mind…" He started edging past meaningfully.

"But we're having such fun!" The Psychotic One protested.

"Well…"

Ryou cut off his yami pointedly. "We want Malik back now," he said firmly. "Preferably in less than twenty pieces."

"Fifty." Yami Malik had a crafty look in his eyes.

"Thirty."

"Thirty-five."

"Done." Ryou and Yami Malik grinned, both convinced they had come off best.

Bakura wasn't going to let such a good opportunity go amiss, though. "Tell you what, you give the Millennium Rod and we'll let you keep Malik. In forty-nine pieces."

The Psycho's eyes widened. "It's a deal." He snickered suddenly. "Just…let me go get it."

He ran into the kitchen, and Bakura gave his hikari a triumphant look. "My Ra, I'm good. Go on, say it."

"I don't know about this…" Ryou began doubtfully.

The Tomb Robber made flapping gestures with his hands. "Hikari, stop spoiling my moment."

The Psycho returned from the kitchen, holding the Millennium Rod. Ryou peered at him suspiciously. "Why did you have to go into the kitchen? You were already holding the Rod."

The spirit blinked. "I had to…turn the safety catch off. Yeah, that's it." He shooed them both out of the house. "Wonderful doing business with you, don't come again, goodbye." He slammed the door and ran off rather quickly.

Ryou stood uncertainly on the doorstep. "That was…fast."

"Yeah, whatever. Come on, I can't wait to use this thing." Bakura held up the Rod triumphantly as he spoke. It gave a strangled shriek and turned into a rubber chicken.

"…Cool. I didn't know it could do that."

His light groaned. "Have you any brain cells AT ALL? We've been tricked. Or should I say, _you've_ been tricked. He's given us a fake." He eyed the door. "I'm going to kick it down."

Bakura raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You know what happened to me last time. Maybe you should try the handle first."

"Don't be stupid, he's probably locked it. Anyway, shut up. I've always wanted to try this." Ryou launched himself at the door…and bounced off. There was a hilarious 'poing,' and Bakura burst into hysterical laughter. His light gave him a death-glare. "What's so goddamn funny?"

"Poing!"

Ryou shook his head and turned the door handle. It was unlocked, of course.

Yami Malik was standing in the hallway. Without looking up he recited, "No, we don't want to donate money, buy raffle tickets, have any cars washed or arses kicked." He looked up. "Oh, it's you. Crap."

He tried to close the door, but Ryou stuck out his foot and stopped him.

"We've changed our minds. Can we…um…exchange goods?"

The Psycho leered at him. "If you want an exchange you must show a receipt. Then we will give you another Item of lesser or equal floppiness."

Ryou scratched his head, temporarily baffled. His yami ran forward and punched Yami Malik. "Judo-chop!"

The Psycho stared at him, totally unaffected. "Do you want me to fall to the ground or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

Yami Malik shrugged and fell to the ground.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Oh for God's SAKE." He glared at his yami. "Don't you know that karate is a lot more effective than judo? Observe." He hit Yami Malik and yelled, "Karate-chop!"

The spirit shrieked and curled up into a ball. "Please don't hurt me."

Ryou blinked. "Did I actually hurt you? I'm really sorry."

"I forgive you." Yami Malik stuck out his foot and tripped Ryou up. "Not."

"Ryou! Nooooooooooo!" Bakura dashed to his hikari's side and helped him up. "You okay?"

"Um, yeah."

"Oh goodie. Because if YOU died that would mean I would die to. Which would be slightly inconvenient."

The hikari raised his eyes to the ceiling. "And for a moment I thought you cared."

Bakura just looked at him blankly. "Cared about who?"

Ryou sighed. He nimbly dodged Yami Malik, who was just getting up, and shot into the main room. Malik was there, with Anzu lying on top of him in an…_interesting _position. The white-haired hikari blushed. "Am…am I interrupting something?"

"For the love of Ra, help me!"

Anzu frowned. "Who is this Ra-girl? I warn you darling, I can get very jealous in a relationship. Just tell me it's all over between you and her."

"No! Wait! You can't go out with him!" Ryou shouted desperately.

The girl arched an over-plucked eyebrow. "And why not?"

"Because…because he's taken," the hikari continued wildly.

Malik nodded encouragingly. "You heard him. Sorry to deceive you and all that, but there you go."

"Who with?" Anzu whispered.

"With…um...er…" Ryou stuttered.

"Anyone!" Malik mouthed silently. "Just say a name!"

"With…uh…me!"

Anzu's mouth fell open. Then, with a wild scream, she started hitting the Egyptian over the head with her handbag. "No! It isn't true! Malik darling, say it isn't true!"

"…"

"No! You're mine! MINE!"

Within seconds Malik had become buried under a mountain of purses and make-up.

"How can this be?" Anzu sobbed. "How can the love of my life be GAY?!"

Her eyes fell on Ryou, and she let out a low growl. The white-haired teenager gulped and backed away. "Um…"

"You stole him from me!" the girl shrieked.

"But-" Malik protested. _Dammit, I'm not gay!_

Anzu cut him short. "How could you leave me for a boy even more girly than I am?" she wept.

Ryou's eyes widened. "Who are you calling girly?" The teenager happened to be very sensitive about his girliness. After all, it wasn't his fault he was good-looking, even if it was in a …girly sort of way.

Feeling an uncharacteristic (and girly) anger take hold of him, he seized a chair conveniently placed near the door and hurled it at Anzu. She caught it, twirled it around her head expertly and with a yell slung it back. The white-haired hikari was promptly crushed under said chair.

Anzu pumped her fist into the air. "Yes! Xena, Warrior Princess strikes again!"

From the outside corridor came several crazy shouts. Then there was a bang, and then silence. A few moments later Yami Malik skipped in happily, holding up a violently wriggling Bakura by the shirt collar.

"Look! I caught the Thief! I'm so clever!"

Bakura squirmed under his tight grip. "Eww, the Psycho's touching me. Someone get him off. Ra knows where he's been."

Ryou, with some struggling, pulled himself out from under the chair. (Yami, why don't you just go back into the Ring?)

((Oh yeah…))

The spirit promptly vanished. Yami Malik was left holding a handful of air. "Huh?" He blinked several times, obviously confused.

"Ha ha!" Bakura came back out of the Ring and reappeared next to him, grabbing the Millennium Rod out of his hand. "Yoink!"

The Psycho blinked again. "Wow. I have one of them too. In fact it looks a bit like-"

The truth dawned after a moment and he screamed, "THIEF!"

"Yup, that's me." Bakura looked very pleased with himself. "Cool. I'm famous. Anyhoo-" he stepped neatly out of the way as the enraged Psycho made a crazy lunge for the Rod- "I think this is our cue to leave. Come on Ryou."

"Don't forget me!" Malik scrambled out from under the avalanche of make-up, to find Anzu blocking his way, baring a mascara brush as if it were a sword. "Aaaaah!"

"There's no escape," the girl hissed. "I haven't given up on you yet. We were destined to be together, I know it…"

Bakura suddenly had a great idea (in his opinion). "Why don't you try all that make-up out on the Psycho? They practically look the same anyway."

A gasp. "B-Brilliant!" Anzu squealed. "Also, no offence Malik, but your yami is kind of cute. I love the way he kills anyone who annoys him. He's not as cute as you are, though."

"Glad to hear it," the Egyptian mumbled sarcastically

"Although he'd probably look really hot in leather," Anzu continued thoughtfully. There was a dreamy expression on her face. "You know, like Yugi's yami. With lots of buckles and stuff." Her gaze fell on the psychotic yami in question, who was starting to look nervous.

He gave a strained laugh. "N-no way, d-don't listen to h-him-" His purple eyes widened as Anzu took a step towards him.

"Just let me try it in lavender. It would go so well with your eyes…"

"Nooooooooo…!" With a yell of pure terror Yami Malik bolted out of the room and ran for the stairs.

"Come back!" Anzu called. She chased after him, waving her make-up boxes frantically. "You have so much wasted potential!

Malik put his head around the door, watching his yami's flight for freedom. "…I hope he makes it."

"You cracked as well?" Bakura scoffed.

"No. But it's obvious even to me that lavender wouldn't suit him."

The Tomb Robber shrugged. "Fair enough."

Malik sighed. "At least maybe she'll forget about me, now that we told her I was gay. I mean, her face when Ryou told her he was my boyfriend…"

Bakura let out a cry of horror. "You…you're _dating my hikari?_ Ewww! Have you no taste?"

(Huh, thanks yami.)

((It was my pleasure, believe me.))

"No! I mean, no as in I'm not dating Ryou. Ugh. Um, no offence or anything, Ryou, by the way."

"None taken. Well, a bit."

"Anyhoo, what're we gonna do now?" Bakura followed the two lights out of the front door as he spoke. "Malik? Any ideas?"

"Nope."

"Ryou?"

"Um…" The white-haired hikari said the first thing that came into his head. "…Read a book?"

Hi yami gave him a disgusted look. "All you had to say was 'no.'" He gazed around them. "Dammit, we have to do **something!** I'm bored already!" Looking up at the sun, he implored, "Oh Ra, give us a sign!"

A leaflet tore loose from the tree it was pinned to and blew straight into his face.

"…That was quick." Bakura unfolded the leaflet curiously. It was an advert for the local carnival, the sort with coconut shies and Ferris wheels and the like.

"Hmmm. Seeing as we've nothing better to do, why don't we go to this?"

Malik shrugged. "Okay." The two Egyptians dashed off with astonishing speed, leaving Ryou behind.

"Hey! Wait for me!"

"Whatever!" his yami called back.

"Oh for God's sake," Ryou mumbled. Out loud, he yelled, "You're going the wrong way!"

The Thief skidded to a halt, turned around 180 degrees and sprinted back, leaving Malik to catch up. "Just testing you, hikari."

(Yeah right.)

((What did you say?))

(…Of course you were.)

"Oh. Okay then." Bakura looked up in surprise as Malik rejoined them. "Where did you go?"

"I didn't go anywhere! You left me behind!"

"No I didn't. Anyhoo-" the spirit continued before the Egyptian could interrupt, "which direction are we really supposed to be going in?"

Ryou consulted the leaflet briefly. "That way." He pointed to the same direction that his yami had taken originally.

"What?! You said that was the **wrong** way! You just did that to make us wait for you!"

"And you have a problem with that?"

"No. Should I?"

Malik had raised an eyebrow so high it had virtually disappeared. "My Ra, you two are the strangest people I know." He paused, then added as an afterthought, "except my yami."

"That's different. He's crazy. I'm not," Bakura stated.

The Egyptian cleared his throat loudly. cough yeah right cough

"Just what are you implying?"

Malik attempted an innocent grin. To say it didn't work was an understatement. He ended up looking like a serial killer. "Nothing."

Bakura was thick, but he wasn't _that_ thick. "Very funny."

Ryou thought it was, actually, and was trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile.

His yami gave him a death glare. "What's so amusing?"

Ryou promptly gave him the most innocent look imaginable. It was so sweet it put Malik's look to shame. "Yami, you know I would never _dream_ of mocking you." cough loser cough

Malik immediately started laughing again. Bakura gave up. "…Fine, whatever. Let's go!" He made a move as if to run off again, but Malik was ready for him this time and grabbed the back of his shirt, causing the spirit to trip.

"Why you little-" He started chasing the Egyptian down the street.

Ryou sighed, and followed more slowly. "Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling about this?"

"Oh shut up, hikari." Bakura made another futile grab for Malik, and missed again. "Dammit!"


	2. Wreck the Carnival: Plan A

A/N: Haven't been able to update for a while, as have been on holiday in Spain for 3 weeks. But I spent practically all my free time writing, so as a result have FINALLY been able to update this fic. Just review to show that I haven't COMPLETELY wasted my holiday!

Chapter Two: Operation 'Wreck the Carnival,' plan A.

"Boooooring! Can we go home yet?"

Such was the cry of Bakura two minutes after they had arrived at the carnival.

"Yami, it was _your_ idea to come here."

"Well I've changed my mind. Let's go home."

"Oh no you don't," Malik growled. "It's taken us nearly three hours to get here, so I'm not going to turn around and leave."

"It wasn't _my _fault it took so long to get here!" Bakura protested.

"Yeah, well maybe if you'd held the map the right way up-"

"Stop bickering, both of you." Ryou sighed and ran his fingers through his hair for the fifth time in ten minutes. "Let's just have a look inside. You never know, it may turn out to be really fun."

Thus was the epitaph of the three teenagers written.

……….

By carrying out Bakura's ingeniously formulated plan (running off when Ryou wasn't looking) the two Egyptians were now free to achieve their main aim of the afternoon- creating total and utter mayhem.

Their first action was to stop at the coconut shy, where Bakura proceeded to hit everything within a ten-mile radius, while still managing to leave the coconuts untouched. The poor man in charge of the stall eventually paid them both twenty dollars in return for him never seeing them again. He even threw in a free coconut.

The disastrous duo walked happily away, counting their money. Bakura was actually slightly put out, as he'd had his heart set on acquiring one of the three-foot high pink toy rabbit prizes, but had unfortunately made coconut-sized holes in all of them.

They were planning to pass by the refreshment stand, as Malik was hoping to spike a few drinks, but Bakura's attention had been caught by something else.

"Oooh! Fortune telling!"

He looked excitedly at the sign outside the red and white striped tent, which read: "Systic Peg's psychic readings. Discover yesterday's future today. Also, talk to spirits or get help with relationships. I guarantee you will walk away spiritually enlightened."

And, in small print at the bottom: "This is not a guarantee."

"You want to do this too?"

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Let me think about that for a second. Um, how about no?"

"Like _you've_ ever had any spiritual potential anyway."

"Why do you need to talk to spirits? You are one."

"Not the point. Besides, I could get help with relationships instead. Ryou and I don't always get on."

"Considering you beat him up every night, I don't blame him."

Bakura looked horrified. "I don't beat him up!"

"Since when?"

"Since…uh…last week. We had an argument because he said I was playing my Britney album too loud - damn, Ryou said I shouldn't tell anyone about my Britney album. Don't know why, though."

"You like _Britney Spears?"_ Malik exclaimed incredulously.

"Yeah. Why, don't you?"

The Rod-holder nearly choked in indignation. "What makes you think _I_ would listen to _her?"_

Bakura shrugged, unconcerned. "I don't know. You just look like the sort of person who would be into her, that's all."

"Oh for- having a crush on her for three years doesn't mean I listen to Britney!" Malik yelled, a little too loudly.

Bakura obviously wasn't paying attention. "She's got a great voice though."

"What?"

"And her eyes are nice. But I think her hair is the best. Don't you think her hair is great?"

"Er…yeah. Actually, the day she dyed her hair was the best day of my life. Come to think of it, that was the reason I dyed _my_ hair blond. I wanted to see if I looked as good with blond hair as Britney does."

"Trust me, you don't."

"What?"

"I mean…um…" The spirit stared at him in disbelief. "…You _dye_ your hair?"

"Uh huh. I'm actually a brunette."

"My Ra." Bakura sighed heavily, obviously lost in thought. "I can't believe I spent all those years trying to convince Ryou that just because he had white hair didn't mean he was a freak, because your hair is pale as well. But now it turns out you _dye_ your hair, so once he hears Ryou will probably cut all his off and dye it purple. Pity really."

"How can he cut it off and then dye-"

"Shut up. Anyway," Bakura's voice dropped to a confidential whisper, "Ryou only has white hair because his father dropped a pot of white paint over his head when he was two, and they could never get it out. But don't tell Ryou I told you that. He's sort of sensitive about it."

"My Gods." There was deep sympathy in Malik's voice. "That was hard luck."

"I know, his friend said miserably. "It wasn't even gloss paint."

They both looked at each other and sighed. Malik twirled a stray strand of hair around his finger and looked at it. Bakura gazed at his feet then started to hum tunelessly. After a moment silence formed around them, stubbornly quashing all other sounds. There was a ripping sound as Bakura broke the silence.

"For Ra's sake say something!"

"…I…I don't know what I _should_ say," Malik murmured. "That…that's such a sad story…" He looked down at the ground. "Look," he whispered sadly.

"What?"

"You broke the silence…"

On the ground lay a torn blanket, the cheap tag proclaiming it to be 'best quality silence.' They both stared at it mournfully.

Bakura then turned his attention back to what he had been concentrating on before. "Anyway, I'm off to hear my future. See you."

…………

The clairvoyant shuffled the cards slowly; the overlarge glasses making her eyes seem even bigger than they actually were. Even more slowly she dealt the cards onto the table, laying them in a complicated pattern. "I see many things in store for you, Mr. Bakura."

The spirit leaned forward. "Such as?"

"Great things…"

A pause.

"Great, great things…"

Another pause.

"Many great things…"

"Yeeees, we've been through that. Anything else?"

"But the greatest of all these many great things will be…"

"For Ra's sake, will you get on with it already?" Bakura snapped. "At this rate, the greatest thing that will happen is that in another year or two you might get round to finishing your sentence. Hurry up!"

Systic Peg's eyes flashed. She stood, slamming a fist onto the table and sending cards flying everywhere. Her glasses fell off her nose and landed in the bin. "Do you mind?" she screamed. "This is all part of the act! I'm trying to go into a trance here! Some people pay good money to see me!"

"Some people are idiots. Besides, you upset the cards." Bakura indicated the tarot deck scattered on the floor, some of which were crying their eyes out at being treating in such a fashion.

The clairvoyant sighed and slumped back in her chair, taking out a packet of cigarettes. Gathering up the cards, she clumsily lit a cigarette. Bakura watched in fascination.

"Just let me have a fag. Gotta steady my nerves…"

The smoke billowed around the room in ominous circles as she began to re-deal the cards. "Okey-dokey. Now, this one's the two of cups. No, wait, I mean swords. And it means, um…"

She took another puff of her cigarette. "You'll have…a good weekend?"

The spirit stared back, unimpressed.

"Hey, I'm _trying._ Damn it, I'm not made for this job. I _knew_ I should have taken up pole dancing…" She turned over another card. "…Ah. Now, does this mean luck…or death? Eeeny, meeny, min-"

Bakura let out a snort of exasperation. "Oh for Ra's sake. Here, give them to me."

Systic Peg obediently handed the cards over.

"Now, sit up and pay attention. _This _is how you _really_ do it…"

………..

After waiting outside for nearly an hour, Malik decided to check on Bakura. He poked his head into the tent, to find the spirit and Systic Peg seated at a table, the latter absolutely captivated.

"You…you have the Inner Eye!" she was exclaiming.

"I do? Where?" Bakura touched his forehead gingerly.

"Oh for the love of Ra…" Malik seized him by the wrist and pulled him unceremoniously to his feet. "Come on, you've wasted way too much time already."

"I never _waste_ time," Bakura corrected. "I simply change it to suit my purpose."  
"In other words you pretend it doesn't exist. Now lets get going."

"Sure." The spirit didn't protest as he was dragged out of the tent. Why would he? He had already palmed Systic Peg's purse, chequebook and $500 necklace when she had made the mistake of leaning over.

…………..

"Dodgems!" Malik shrieked excitedly.

Bakura looked around. "Where?"

"Over there! Come on!" The Egyptian ran towards the queue, knocking to the ground anyone unfortunate enough to be in his way.

Bakura shrugged and followed.

……………

"Oh dear God, tell me you're not-"

"Yup. Looks like you couldn't escape us after all, huh Ryou?"

The lighter half put his hands together and silently prayed to any god who might be listening that his yami wouldn't insist on them being in the same car.

"Ry-"

"No."

"You didn't even know what I was going to ask!" his yami cried.

"The answer is still no."

"I was only going to ask if I could have some more money," Bakura said in an injured tone.

Ryou sighed. "If I give you some does that mean you won't steal any?"

"Why would I want to steal money?" Bakura asked innocently.

Ryou sensible chose not to answer this. "How much do you want?"

"Ten?" his yami replied hopefully.

Another sigh, as Ryou opened his wallet. "Just make sure you leave me alone after this."

"You sure drive a hard bargain, hikari." Bakura pocketed the note in barely concealed glee.

"We're up next!" Malik squealed.

Ryou looked at him strangely. "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," Bakura said in a vague tone.

Ryou really didn't like the sound of this, but there was nothing much he could do about it, as the attendant pulled the rope to one side and everyone rushed to the dodgems. The white-haired light sighed as he clambered into his cart, making sure to choose one as far away from his yami as possible. "God, if you're listening to me, I'm sorry for all those times I watched porn with Yugi. If you let me get through today without dying, I'll never watch porn again. Well, only on Saturdays."

"Saturday night porn is _awful!"_ his yami called from across the track. "Try Friday's!"

"Thanks!" Ryou called back without thinking.

An old lady who had to be at least seventy lowered herself carefully into her dodgem, limbs creaking audibly, and shook her head in disgust. "What today's youth get up to…honestly…" She raised her voice. "Young man, do your parents know about this?"

Ryou thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Shocking." The old lady tutted several times, her false teeth nearly falling out.

Luckily, just then there was the sound of a horn, and the ride started.

Bakura immediately drove up to Malik, hissing, "Come on! Lets get Ryou!"

The Egyptian grinned and nodded.

Ryou, unfortunately, didn't hear this. He was driving unobtrusively around the outside of the track, a serene expression on his face. You had to feel sorry for him.

A guy with a Mohawk saw the way they were eyeing Ryou up, and muttered to his companion, "I give the albino kid five minutes to live. Max."

Ten seconds…

Twenty seconds…

**__**

"Ow!" Ryou yelped, as something charged into the back of his dodgem, and he was knocked halfway across the track.

"Ha! One point to me! You just going to watch me Malik?"

"You wish!"

Immediately Ryou was knocked backwards again, and someone punched their fist in the air.

"One-all!"

__

"Stop it!" Ryou screeched.

**__**

BAM.

"Two-one!"

**__**

BAM! BAM!

"Three-two! In your face, 'Kura!"

"This is child abuse!" Ryou screamed.

"More like cruelty to dumb animals." Malik shoved him back again. "Heh. This is fun."

"Not for me!"

"Yeah, whatever."

Bakura met Malik's eyes, and they both grinned. Then, at the same time, both charged at the unfortunate hikari. Fortunately Ryou, having seen this happen in movies hundreds of times before, shot out of the way just in time, meaning that Bakura and Malik smashed headlong into each other.

"Ow! Arsehole!"

"Who are you calling an arsehole?"

"Who does it looks like?"

"What the-no one calls me an arsehole and gets away with it!" Malik immediately started chasing Bakura around the track, bumping him whenever possible. Although perhaps 'bumping' was a rather mild way of putting it.

Ryou laughed out loud as his yami shot past, Malik right on his heels…or should that be bumper?

The bell signalling the end of the ride went, and Ryou hastily climbed out before his yami remembered who had got him into this mess. Just before he got to the exit, the old lady stepped in his path. Ryou groaned inwardly.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Try the Monday night porn specials. There's nothing like them." And with that, she walked off.

………………..

A/N: Hope that was OK. I've always found comedy so much harder to write than angst. It always feels so much more _forced,_ somehow. Review please, so I know whether this is good or not. Hopefully the next chapter will be up within a week or two, but I'm not promising anything.


	3. Wreck the Carnival: Plan B

YamiKatie: This chapter is dedicated to Youkomon, for some strange reason.

HikariKatie: shrugs don't ask me.

YamiKatie: Looks threateningly at Youkomon Do it, or Mute will suffer…

HikariKatie: No! Not Mute! Anyone but her!

YamiKatie: ?

HikariKatie: I mean, um…

Chapter Three: Wreck the Carnival Plan B

Yami Malik was a very happy spirit at the moment. If his other half had been around, he would have instantly pointed out that this almost certainly meant Tokyo's population had decreased dramatically in the past two minutes.

The spirit was humming very loudly to himself. That, coupled with the fact that his hair looked like something that had been put through the washing machine and never been quite the same again, was enough to earn him stares from nameless passers-by. Not that he cared. If they irritated him too much he would go stalk them later.

As well as some very off-key humming, he was busy writing a List of People He Hated and Therefore Must Die. He didn't go in for much serious writing, and so was very pleased with his efforts so far. At the moment his list consisted of his sister, the Tomb Robber, the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh's Pet, his own hikari, the postman, and the guy who had looked at him weirdly when asked if he liked killing people. Oooh, and the person who had refused to give him ketchup with his hotdog. Mustn't forget him. There were also about twenty other people whom he didn't know the names of, but hadn't liked the look of them.

Such were the highlights of the spirit's life.

His happiness was interrupted at precisely the wrong moment by Yugi Motou who, having had the bad luck to stumble upon him, asked very politely if he had seen his aibou. Yami Malik replied very calmly if Yugi had seen hell yet and, if not, would he like to see it now?

"Um, no thank you."

"Rude excuse for a weakling…"

The spirit then proceeded to ignore him and picked up his pen again. He dropped it as Yugi persisted, "please? I'm sure he passed by here."

Yami Malik, who wouldn't have known if Ra in human form had passed by, much less have cared, said snappily, "weakling, you are rapidly earning yourself a one-way ticket to the Shadow Realm. Now go away and leave me alone."

"But _please-"_ Yugi watched in surprise as the spirit began tearing his hair out in exasperation.

__

"What the hell do you want?"

"Only-"

"…Wait a moment." Yami Malik stared at Yugi as if he had only just appeared. "…Aren't you the Pharaoh's Pet?" As he spoke he glanced down at his list, on which Yugi was number twelve. _Hmmm…_

Yugi blinked rapidly. He was trying in vain to establish his identity around Bakura and Yami Malik as a separate person, instead of constantly being referred to as 'The Pharaoh's Pet.' After all, it did get a bit annoying after a while.

"No. I'm not his pet."

The spirit stared at him, confused. "But you look like him." A perplexed pause. "…Are you a clone of him?"

The teenager thought for a moment. Well, it was one way of putting it. And it was certainly better than 'Pet.' 'The Pharaoh's Clone' had a nice ring to it, actually.

"Well yes, you could say that."

__

"I knew it!" Yami Malik hissed suddenly. _"I knew it all along!_ The Pharaoh's creating millions of clones of himself, and they're all out to get me!"

"…We are? I mean, I am?"

"You admit it!" the paranoid spirit shrieked. "You…you _clone thing, _you!"

Unsure what to say, Yugi began to back away from him, very slowly. The spirit got up suddenly and peered at him, inspecting his face.

"Not a very good quality one, though. I expected more of the Pharaoh than this. He's far better looking."

"I admit he is extremely good looking, but-"

"This is all I need!" Yami Malik cried in anguish. _"Ugly_ clones! And they're all after me! I must prepare my counter-attack!" And he ran off.

Yugi scratched his head, and wandered off to find his other half.

………….

He still hadn't found him an hour later, by which time darkness was beginning to fall and all of the carnival's lights had been switched on. He had, however, met up with Ryou, who was unofficially in hiding from his yami.

They were approaching a more deserted area of the carnival, where there was a lot of darkness that the electric lights hadn't quite managed to dispel.

"Sssh!" Ryou whispered suddenly. "Can you hear something?"

"Apart from your dulcet tones, no."

They both listened.

Gradually, giggling noises made themselves known, coming from a group of trees on the boundary of the carnival. Ryou and Yugi exchanged glances and were about to tiptoe quietly away, when all of a sudden there was a ripping noise and Yami toppled out from behind the tree, with none other than Seto Kaiba in his arms.

Yugi's horrified cry cut through the night air like the sound of air escaping from a leaking balloon. "Aibou?"

"I can't help it!" Yami cried wildly, eyes wide and rolling in their sockets like lottery balls in their cradle. "He's so fit! Farewell Yugi!" He fell upon Kaiba like a mad thing, arms flailing wildly.

"Whoever said money can't buy you love was drunk at the time," Kaiba gasped from underneath the sex-mad Pharaoh.

Yugi started to cry. Ryou awkwardly put an arm around him. "Um, its okay," he mumbled uncomfortably. "I mean, they, uh, are obviously meant for each other and everything, so-"

"You don't understand!" Yugi screamed in his face. "He told me he'd change! He _promised_ me he'd never so much as look at Kaiba again!"

"I don't think he's looking at him," Ryou said uneasily.

Yugi stuck a finger up at him, and the Ring-holder sighed and began to walk away, shaking his head. "Now I really have seen anything. God, can things get any worse?"

Now, normally when one says this something disastrous always happens, just to serve you right. This time, however, nothing happened.

Knowing this, Ryou said a little more loudly, "I just said things can't get any worse!"

He waited.

Waited…

__

"GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

The clouds above parted and God appeared, playing on a Game Boy. "Sorry. Must be getting slow in my old age." He pointed a finger at Ryou, and Anzu appeared. "That better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

God shrugged and vanished. Anzu turned slowly to face Ryou. "Man-whore!"

"Oh damn, she's real!" Ryou exclaimed to no one.

"Too right I am! And you certainly won't be once I've finished with you!" The girl jabbed an accusing finger at his face. _"You _stole Malik from me!"

"But I'm straight! I only said that because-" The light suddenly broke off, remembering why he had said it.

"Straight my arse. That's what Malik's yami said when I caught up with him. But I made him pay." Anzu smiled nastily. "I, Anzu, revealed to him the wonders of waterproof mascara. He'll never be the same again."

Ryou grimaced at the revolting images leaping into his mind. "You didn't."

"Oh, I did. And I'll do the same to you! Hahaha!"

The last of his courage evaporating, Ryou screamed and ran. Anzu immediately pursued him.

…………

Meanwhile, two unstable and **extremely** pissed Egyptians made their way unsteadily around the carnival, stopping only to sip from cans of beer Bakura had 'acquired' them, and pointing at random people and laughing hysterically.

They eventually came upon Ryou and Anzu, the former being attacked with the girl's handbag.

"…It looks like my light is getting beaten up by the village whore," Bakura slurred.

"…Yeah," Malik agreed.

They both looked at each other and shrugged. Bakura held out a can. "Want some more beer?"

"Sure."

Ryou looked up and instantly saw them. "Are you two going to help me or just stand there and watch?" he shrieked.

"We'll watch." Bakura found a chair and sat down. Malik did the same.

After watching Ryou get smacked around the face with a very ample handbag for about half an hour, Malik suggested, "…shouldn't we do something? I mean, if he dies from handbag-related injuries there could be a lot of messy paperwork."

"Guess so," Bakura said vaguely. However, he made no move to do anything. With a sigh, Malik got up and wobbled over to Ryou, clutching his eighth beer in one hand.

"Hey…uh…you. No, you. The female one. Shouldn't you stop beating him up?"

"Malik!" Anzu squealed. _Oooh! He's drunk! This is my lucky day!_

"Yeah…that's my name. Nice name." The Egyptian swayed for a moment, then took another sip of beer. "So…uh…could you stop?"

"Of course!" Anzu hurriedly pushed Ryou away. "Don't think I'm interested in him or anything," she said hastily. "It's just that I know his reputation, and you _really_ don't want to go out with him. You need someone more…_decisive_. More _popular."_

"I see," Malik said slowly. "Like…Kaiba."

__

"No!" Anzu yelled. _"Like **me,**_ you idiot! Me! Go out with me!"

"Go out with you," Malik repeated slowly.

__

"Yes. We can hang out together for the rest of the evening. …And maybe stop off at my house on the way?"

"Stop off…at your house. Okay. Sounds great." More swaying.

"Uh, are you sure?" Ryou interjected nervously, feeling slightly guilty. "I mean, you don't need to put yourself out like this for me-"

"I know what I'm doing," Malik slurred. "Sheesh, the things I do for you, Ryou. I don't even like you."

"Normally I would find that offensive. But seeing as I more than suspect you are drunk, I'll let it pass this time."

"You're a great guy, Ryou. A really, really, great guy. A really-" He fell over.

Bakura leapt up and caught him. "You killed him!" he shrieked accusingly at Ryou.

"Actually, I didn't."

………….

Half an hour later, in which Malik had been more-or-less revived and sobered up (very much against his wishes) he and Bakura were busy harassing the hotdog man. Or rather, Malik was keeping him talking while the Ring-spirit sneaked round the back and stole as much food as he could hold.

"Really nice weather we're having, don't you think?" the Egyptian said in a conversational tone.

The man looked strangely at him. "It's eleven o'clock at night."

"My point exactly! The sky always looks _so_ much better when you can't see it. And even-"

"Listen, you," the hotdog man grunted suspiciously, "I'm sure you think you're very funny and everything, but I have a business to run."

"And I respect that!" Malik cried a little too enthusiastically, seeing Bakura's bum still poking out of the hotdog van. "And I- _Oooh! Look!_ Behind you!"

"Where?" The man's head snapped around. And at that exact moment Bakura emerged from the van, staggering under the weight of more than fifty hotdogs and packets of fries.

"Never mind. It was a glow-in-the-dark snail, but I guess it was moving too fast for you to see it."

"Yes, I suppose so-_Hey!"_

"And I really must be going!" the Egyptian trilled. _"Lovely_ talking to you. Here's my phone number. Bye!" And he raced off. The hotdog man ran after him.

"…Why is he still chasing us? He's supposed to give up when he realises we're too young and in shape for him to catch us." Laden with food, Bakura was running noticeably slower than usual.

"How should I know?" Malik glanced over his shoulder as he spoke and saw the man was quickly gaining on them. "Aaah! Can't you run any faster?"

"If I could, don't you think I would already be doing so?"

"Well, yes…"

Salvation (doom) appeared, in the form of Yami Malik. "Hi! I'm high!" He waved his candyfloss excitedly in greeting.

__

"Do something!" his lighter half shrieked.

"I don't need to be rescued by a psycho!" Bakura protested.

Ignoring him, Yami Malik cocked his head to one side and stared at Malik. "Is he going to kill you?"

"Er, probably, when he catches us."

"I see."

Unable to run any further under the weight of his stolen food, Bakura stopped and stood still. "What should I do with this stuff?"

"Eat it?" the other yami suggested. "It seems like a logical thing to do. And correct me if I say the main purpose of food is to eat it? Although, being a spirit, I wouldn't really know."

"I…guess," Bakura said uncertainly.

The hotdog man caught up with them. "Thieves!"

"Yes, I am a thief. Or _the Thief,_ if you want to say it like the Psycho does. And I still fail to see what your problem is."

"My problem is that those were my hotdogs to sell, and you just stole them."

"I don't actually find anything wrong with st-"

He was interrupted by Yami Malik. "Are you going to kill Malik?"

"The blond one? You bet I am!"

(Yami, you _do_ know that when he says he's going to kill me he means it in a metaphorical way, right?)

((What does that mean?))

Malik opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak the blast from the Millennium Rod sent the man sprawling to the ground. The next moment he was up on his feet again, and fleeing as fast as he could in the opposite direction. _"I would have got away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids!" _he screamed.

Malik blinked, before wrapping his arms around his yami and giving him the tightest hug imaginable. "Yami, you saved me! And for once in your life you did something which didn't result in the death of anyone I like! Thank you so much!"

His yami stared, then immediately started trying to push him off. "Hikari, what the hell are you doing?"

"Showing my gratitude!"

Yami Malik's eyes went wide as he realised he couldn't pull his light off him. "Stop touching me!"

He made a massive effort and managed to dislodge him. "Never, ever do that to me again." He brushed himself down meticulously. They stared at each other for a moment, with the spirit looking uneasy. _"COOKIES!"_ he screamed suddenly, and ran off.

Malik sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. Bakura put an arm around him.

"So, uh, anyway, you want anything to eat?"

………….

A/N: And yet another chapter managed. Hope you all liked it. I'll probably do one more chapter to finish this off. In the mean time, REVIEW!


	4. The End of the World Take Two

A/N: sorry about the long wait for updates. My crimbo holidays have started now, so I should be able to do a lot more writing in the next few weeks to make up for it.

Chapter Four: The End of the World (Take Two)

It was now nearly midnight, and the beautiful tone of Anzu's voice could be heard reverberating around the carnival by the few people still there.

"Where oh where has my Malik-chan gone? Oh where oh where can he beeeeeeee?"

The Malik-chan in question was cowering behind a white-haired tomb robber, whimpering. "She's going to get me, isn't she?"

"Think so, yeah."

"Damn…"

Anzu danced over, twirling her arms and pirouetting in a way which was actually quite scary. It certainly caused a few veins to start pulsing in Bakura's forehead. Also, Malik's trembling was starting to become contagious.

"Stop _shaking!_ It isn't like she can actually do anything to you!"

Simply: "This is Anzu you're talking about. And believe me, she'll find plenty of things to do to me."

"She doesn't even know where-"

__

"There you are! I thought I'd lost you!"

"If only," Bakura muttered. Aloud: "Well, I've got plenty of things to do, so I'll see you two at the wedding."

Malik let out a cry resembling that of an untuned violin. Anzu took this as a cry of devotion and, flinging her arms around him, starting nuzzling him while uttering sounds that were obviously meant to be soothing. "It's all right, darling, I'm here."

Whimper.

Bakura was in the act of strolling away, when Malik suddenly broke free and hurled himself upon the startled spirit. He then began kissing him.

"Wha-"

"Play along," Malik hissed in his ear. "I can't spend my life with this whore!"

Bakura, however, had other ideas. "Will you get _off_ me!" Shove. "How many times do I have to tell you Malik, it's over! We just weren't made for each other!"

Anzu, seeing her fantasies of Malik in a suit dissolving before her eyes, began to wail. Was he _really_ gay after all?

Malik started chasing after his 'ex', who was being careful to keep his distance from Anzu in case she got jealous or something. When he reached a suitable looking bush he stopped, letting Malik bowl him over, and they both lay there panting for a moment. Then, after glancing nervously over their shoulders, both crawled away.

__

"Never make me do something like that again."

"Believe me, I would rather die than kiss you again."

"Wha-Hey! I'm a perfectly good kisser!"

"Sure you are. The slobber completely turned me on."

"Well, I can't say you impressed me much. Better go back to your girlfriend and ask her to give you some tips."

"Anzu is not my girlfriend!"

"She would probably say otherwise."

"You're just jealous because you don't have an admirer."

"An admirer? Stalker, more like."

"Stalker?! I'll give you stalker!"

"Oooh, so we're defending her now, are we?"

"No!"

"Why don't you admit that you like her?"

"I don't like her!"

"Maybe you don't like her, but do you _like _her?"

In a bored tone: "Yes. Anzu is my childhood crush. I've loved her from the day I saw her. Now can we go on a ride or something? Because I've spent practically my entire time here trying to evade a certain keen someone, and the time simply rushes past."

"Sure. Rollercoaster sound good?"

"Yup."

They joined a queue. After a few minutes, Bakura said innocently, "You know that deal we had ages ago about me getting the Millennium Rod?"

Malik frowned. "I think there were certain conditions-"

"Conditions schmitions. I nearly beat the Pharaoh; can I have the Rod now?"

"What? Of course you can't! It's mine!"

"It _should_ have been mine. It practically is mine."

Uncertain as to where this was leading, Malik said cautiously, "If you say so."

"So you're agreeing with me?"

"Well, no-"

"That wasn't what you said a moment ago."

Feeling very confused now: "I-"

"Look, let's stop arguing and be reasonable about this."

In relief: "That sounds good."

…………

Ten minutes later, and a crowd had gathered around the pair.

"It's my Rod! Give it back!"

"It was never meant to be yours! I need it!"

Several people were suppressing sniggers with difficulty: the subject of the two teenagers' argument was not immediately clear, and perhaps could be…open to interpretation. Certainly the things they were saying were not helping -

"You're just jealous because I have a Rod and you don't! In fact, you never will!"

"Oh yeah? I'm just as deserving of a Rod as you are!"

"Yeah, like you're man enough to handle it anyway."

"Take that back!"

"You know, for someone who's old enough to be experienced in these kind of matters, you really are immature!"

They were both involved in a tug-of-war with the Item, both stubbornly refusing to let go.

"Give – it – back!"

"Get one of your own! This is my Rod! Mine!"

"You don't even know how to use it!"

"I think I can work out how to handle one little Rod!"

"Little?" someone asked.

At this, both Egyptians looked up. Their eyes went wide when they saw the amount of people crowded around them.

"What the hell do you think you're staring at?" Bakura snapped at no one in particular.

Malik shifted uneasily as he registered the amount of sly winks he was being given. "Um, Bakura…"

"Not now, you idiot; can't you see I'm busy?"

"But-"

"Only one between the two of you, eh?"

A man leered at Malik, who said uncertainly, "Yeah."

"Oh dear. Maybe you'll have to share." More snickers from their audience.

The Egyptian caught on, and his eyes widened. "What? You think we're…?"

Smiles.

"No! Not that kind of rod!"

Bakura realised that he was being left out. "What's he going on about?"

"They, um…" Malik made a choice few gestures.

"WHAT?! As if I'd ever be with you!"

Another wink, at Bakura this time. "You may be with him, but are you _with _him?"

"The hell? Shut up already! That's my line!"

"Possessive, are we?"

Malik was seriously starting to wonder if it wouldn't be worth giving the Ring-spirit the Millennium Rod just so he could have an excuse to get out of this mess. "Look here, uh…you, you've completely misinterpreted what is going on between us. We are not together."

"How _sweet!"_ someone else cooed. "They're in denial."

"I'm not in denial because I don't have anything to be in denial about!"

"I…yeah. What he said." Bakura scratched his head.

Malik was starting to sweat. "Look, there really isn't anything to see so I don't know why you are all staring at us like…like this. …Besides, I have low self-esteem. It makes me nervous when people stare at me."

From someone: "Aww."

"You don't have low self-esteem," Bakura said blankly.

"Right now, I do. Now shut up. It was you not knowing when to shut your mouth that got us into this mess."

"Sorry," the spirit replied meekly.

__

"There you are!" a new voice exclaimed. "I've been looking for you!"

Malik looked up. "…Oh."

His yami bounced over. "Have you seen my Mil-" His gaze took in Bakura, who was the one currently clutching the Item, and his eyes narrowed. "…You."

"Huh?" Guessing that this was addressed to him, the Ring-spirit looked up.

__

"You stole my Rod! Meanie!"

A slow grin spread over the man's face. "One between three now, huh? And- Jesus, someone's had a bad hair day."

Yami Malik stiffened. "Was that addressed to me?" One of his blond spikes was rapidly beginning to twitch.

"Y-_No!_ I mean, yes, yes it was. It's…a slang term I tend to use. Means I love your hair."

"Oh." The twitching subsided.

"He with you?" the man muttered out of the corner of his mouth to Malik.

"No. Long-lost twin. We fell out."

"Really? That happened to me. Hell of a pain when we bumped into each other again."

"Uh, yeah, tell me about it," Malik babbled.

Meanwhile, his yami and Bakura were eyeing each other with the look of circling cats.

"What the hell are you doing holding my Rod?"

"I've no idea. Here, take the damn thing. It's brought me nothing but bad luck anyway."

In interest: "Oh? How?"

Moodily, Bakura replied, "Everyone thought Malik and I were talking about a different type of Rod. Now everyone in the carnival thinks we're gay."

Yami Malik was silent while his brain processed this information, then he grinned and pointed a finger at the Ring-spirit. "Ha ha!"

"Why you-"

…………

"And don't you dare think about coming back!"

Malik dusted himself off, grumbling. "This is all your fault, you two. If you hadn't started fighting-"

"He provoked me!"

"He tried to steal my Rod!"

"I think I'm going to have to have that thing gold-plated and given to the Pharaoh. At least then Bakura can't try and steal it."

"Damn you." The spirit kicked sulkily at the ground. "Now, thanks to you two, we've all been thrown out of this stupid carnival. What the hell am I going to do for the rest of the evening?"

Yami Malik grinned. "I know what I'm going to do." He held up his Item. "I'm going straight back in. No way is a puny weakling like that going to stop me having fun." He left.

The duo stared after him. Finally, Bakura said, "I hate him."

"Oh shut up."

…………

Ryou was humming to himself as he walked home. He had had a marvellous time at the carnival, going on every single ride at least twice, and was utterly ignorant of what his yami had been up to. Nor did he wish to find out.

He had just turned the corner, when his attention was caught by about two dozen vans blocking the road. As he walked along, he noticed that the front one was parked outside his house. A man in overalls was standing outside it; as Ryou approached he straightened and held out a clipboard.

"At last! I've been here for the last two hours. Sign here, please."

Ryou's gaze swept down the road, encompassing the vans warily. "What is it for?"

"Jeez, you kids nowadays have to question everything, don't you? Now hurry up and sign the goddam thing. Some bastard tipped off the men in white coats, so I don't have much time."

Ryou blinked. "…Okay."

He wrote his signature neatly, while the man hopped from one foot to the other in impatience. "Finally. All right, we'll charge it to your credit card. We've still got the details from earlier; we just needed the signature to confirm everything."

"But-"

His yami opened the front door. "Finally. You took a while."

Ryou was about to answer, when the man in overalls replied first. "I knocked on the door about fifty times. You deaf or something?"

"Hey, I'm a busy person. I can't be expected to answer the door to every lunatic who comes knocking, can I?"

"Watch it." The man consulted his clipboard. "Was it you who ordered the life-time supply of Viagra?"

"Yeah. Bring it on- I mean in. Be careful when you step into the hallway; I think I left my pet cobra lying around somewhere."

Ryou stared.

"What?"

"Firstly: you have a pet cobra? And secondly: you ordered a life-time supply of Viagra? On my credit card?"

"Yeeees. Sheesh, you're slow today. And your point is…?"

__

"Why? Do you have any idea how much it costs? Or what it is actually for?"

"Well, cost-wise, I figured your bank account would cover it. And as for use…well, I was sort of planning to work it out as I went along."

"I love you, yami. Did I ever mention that?"

…………

A/N: it always feels good to finish a story. Oooh, I'm feeling all tingly.

Okay, and now I'm off to start on 'Anger Management.' Oh, and as always, reviews are welcome. Starting from now, I'm doing individual thanks and replies to all reviews received, with the exception of one-shots. This is just to show my appreciation to all the people who review.

Ril: well, here you go. Glad you like it.

Yami Silverdramon: Why not?

BothBaku's Fan-Girl: wow, I've been quoted, my life now feels that much better.

Youkomon: Me? (blushes) Thanks.

Cassie Lupus: well, an update is finally here. Not as soon as you seem to have wanted, though…

WalkingIntoWallsPerson: (with serious expression) yup Chell, I make a point of uploading new stories when I know you aren't looking.

PerfectCell17: um…what does LMAO stand for? Please excuse my ignorance.

Kichi-Buruma: well, I'll try…

Angel of Revenge: okay then. Here you go.

HANDHELD Uber Rei Model 06: yup. Dodgems equal go-karts.

Freak09: ta.

Elle-Fate2x1-2: why does Ra curse Ryou so? Because I say so, of course! I AM Ra! Feel my power! Mwahahaha!

Hey: that's right, make sure that yami of yours knows his place.

KuramasGurl13: why thank you.

Malik's Egyptian Princess: thanks. I'm not sure why I put the bit about the headless Barbie in…it just sort of seemed like a good idea.

Cassie: (looks shocked) and what, may I ask, is wrong with Friday night porn? Yeah, I bet you think you're so great, just because you like THURSDAY's. Bah.

XoX.d.a.r.k.a.n.g.e.l.XoX: okey-dokey.

Elleh: Me, rudeness? I wouldn't dream of it. Happy crimbo, by the way, and see ya at school.

Marikandcloe: okay.

Ryu: (is grinning) so do I…


End file.
